


zero

by cowyoga



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angry Patrick, M/M, POV Changes, Sad Patrick, Suicidal Thoughts, Unreliable Narrator, Violence, sad jonny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:21:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27133805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cowyoga/pseuds/cowyoga
Summary: (Patrick’s alone in the room, curled up in the corner, shivering and crying.)
Relationships: Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	zero

Jonny's asleep on the couch. He's always sleeping these days, Patrick thinks. There's also an ever-present tear stain on his cheeks. It's weird, but when he asked Jonny about it, the man simply shrugged and claimed he's just as clueless as Patrick's. 

"Where were you?" Jonny's awake. Patrick didn't even see him waking up. He barely notices Jonny nowadays. 

"Out."

"Out where?" Jonny tilts his head, eyes wide and hardly blinking. 

"Is it important, Jon?" Patrick's being harsh, he knows. But he can't help it. It seems like fighting is the only way he can communicate with Jonny these days. He's just become so quiet. It's unbearably deafening. 

"Of course, it is," Jonny responds, lips pursed and head still tilted. He's also yet to blink at all,  _ Jesus.  _ "I didn't want you to go."

"So, why did you go?" Jonny further questions out. 

When Patrick first asked Jonny to move into this place, it was everything Patrick could ever wish for. Jonny was the missing piece in this apartment. And Jonny delivered with his everything, being himself; making Patrick happy; getting along with Patrick's friends, and flawlessly clawing his way into the hearts of Patrick's family. 

Now, it looks like whenever Jonny opens his mouth, which is not a lot these days, Patrick just wants to shut him right up. Praying to whoever would listen to take Jonny away from him, this horrible of a company that his partner had become. 

"I'm losing you," Patrick accuses him instead, voice calm, cause it's not like he didn't see this coming.

"You lost me already," Jonny says just as softly. "When I first got hurt, you've lost me there already."

Patrick knows what Jonny's talking about. He can remember it this time. Somedays, he can't, doesn't understand what Jonny's rambling about, what's coming out of his mouth, believing it nonsense. But right now, Patrick knows. And he's sorry about it, he really is. He just wishes Jonny would come back to him.

"Come back to me, then," he pleads. "We can still fix this."

"You know we can't, Pat," Jonny points out.

Later that night, Jonny can be seen lying on the bed in their guest room, crying his heart out, a dark bruise forming around his eyes. 

Patrick can't hear Jonny's cries. But he can feel the stiffness of his hands. His knuckles. So he takes an icepack from their fridge and places right where it hurts. Hoping it'll heal as soon as possible, and then maybe, tomorrow, he'll forget. That way, Patrick can kiss Jonny without it feeling all wrong and unreal. 

\-----

"There's another pack of ice in the fridge," Patrick making his presence known to Jonny, who's lying on the couch again. He's not sleeping this time, but he might as well be. 

"You should use it to get rid of that," Patrick gestures toward his own eyes. 

"You know it won't make a difference," Jonny looks at him sadly, "They'll keep coming back."

Patrick doesn't want them to keep coming back. It hurts to see what he's done to Jonny. But he can't lose him. He's so lonely, he feels so alone. Jonny can't go.

"You're not going anywhere," Patrick states sternly.

"You know I'm not," Jonny promises.

And Patrick believes him cause God knows what he'll do if Jonny breaks his promise. 

_ He'll kill someone. Patrick knows he will. _

\-----

Jonny doesn't eat. He doesn't need to anymore. Patrick keeps telling him to, and every time he refuses, he'll wake up to another bruise. This morning, it's with blood. It's everywhere, and Jonny is freaking out. He wants the bleeding to stop, but he has a feeling it's there to stay. Like it's meant to be there. 

_ But Patrick can't see it, he can't.  _

Jonny changes the sheets before Patrick can come into the guest room. He's wrapped a cloth around his left arm where the open wound is, hoping to stop the flow of blood. Jonny thought it's gonna be another bruise this time, he's so wrong, he wasn't expecting blood, not at all. 

Jonny can hear Patrick's footsteps in the hallway on the way to his room.  _ Patrick can't see the damage, or he'll break.  _ Jonny immediately goes over to the bed and wraps himself with the freshly changed blanket. Only making his face visible for Patrick to see. 

"Morning," Patrick greets him as he opens the door. "Why did you sleep here?"

_ Oh, so he can't remember it this time.  _

"I was cleaning this room last night," he lies, "and got totally exhausted and slept here," Jonny flaunts a smile while explaining. 

"Idiot," Patrick chuckles. And it feels so easy again, things are so easy whenever Patrick forgets. Jonny's never going to leave him. 

\----

Jonny wore a long-sleeved shirt at breakfast even though it's warm inside. Patrick doesn't mind. What he does mind is the black eye that Jonny has. It was indistinguishable from the curtain covered room he found Jonny was sleeping in this morning. 

But Patrick can see it here, plain and clear, in their well-lit kitchen. Some parts around Jonny's eyes are still red and angry. It looks new like it just happened yesterday. Yet all can Patrick recollect from last night is Jonny happy and face content, plopped down and naked on their bed, looking up at Patrick, giving him an ever charming smile. 

_ But Jonny didn't sleep on their bed last night.  _ Patrick remembers falling asleep to Jonny's soft snores. He must've woken up and left shortly after that. 

Patrick stands up from his seat and goes over to Jonny's side, "What's this?" he asks, gently tracing the raw skin under Jonny's right eye. "What happened?"

Jonny doesnt answer for a long time. Only staring blankly at the space Patrick left across from him. And Patrick's patient with him, he needs to. Patrick is patient. Patrick is never angry. Patrick will never make him feel uncomfortable. Ever. 

So he waits.

It isn't a few minutes later when Jonny turns his body to his left, so he's facing Patrick. Jonny smiles at him. "I hit my eye on the edge of the cupboard door under the sink while I was trying to open it."

"When and why didn't you tell me?" Patrick demands concerned and worried about Jonny's wellbeing. 

"I'm okay," Jonny reassures him with a smile. 

"Icepack?" he offers. Jonny nods at that. 

\-----

"Sometimes, I just wanna get away from here," Jonny whispers into the dark. Patrick lying next to him. 

"From me?" 

"Yes."

"What can I do to get you to stay?" and so the bargaining begins.

"Can you make the bruises and the blood go away?" Jonny asks. He knows they won't.

"They will," Patrick guarantees. Jonny knows he's not lying. Patrick genuinely believes they'll go away. But Patrick doesn't know better, not since the first time Jonny got hurt. 

"It's been ages, and they're still here," Jonny knows there's no use putting it into words. Patrick still wouldn't understand, and the bruises and blood still won't go away. "They keep coming back because you kept putting them on to me."

"Sometimes, I forget that I'm hurting you," Patrick admits. It's the first time Jonny sees him being somewhat self-aware. 

"I never did hurt you, Jon," Patrick changes his mind a second later. Jonny saw it coming. 

"But you're hurting me by not letting me go," he reasons. There is no point. Because Jonny's fucked up mind, deep down, knows he doesnt wanna go. He wants to stay with Patrick. He's getting used to the pain anyway. It's been months, after all. 

"Please don't let me go," he pleads, throwing away everything else he's said that night. Jonny's not leaving Patrick. No, he isn't. 

\----

Everything hurts, especially his head, and his body, and his arms and his legs. And everything. Everything fucking hurts. So Jonny lets the dam burst. Hoping it will relieve some of the pain. Jonny wishing that the throbbing would cling to the tears. So they'll escape his body, too. 

Meanwhile, Patrick's screaming and blaming Jonny for everything.  _ He wasn't good, he didn't listen.  _

"I told you not to go!" Patrick shouts. He's crying too, and Jonny knows it's his fault. "But you didn't listen to me!"

"You never listen to me, Jonny!" Patrick standing tall, trapping a curled up Jonny in the corner of the room. 

Jonny's so scared, and the pain just wouldn't go away no matter how hard he cries, and Patrick just keeps getting angrier and angrier. 

"Now look at you," Patrick continuing to spit poison at him. "You're hurt, and you're bleeding, and you're making it seem like it's my fault," it's a never-ending attack, "You've gotten yourself hurt. Stop blaming me for it!"

"I'm not," Jonny speaks for the first time, voice shaking.  _ He's so afraid. _

"Then why does every time I look at you, and every time you're leaving me, I feel like killing myself?" Patrick faintly breathes out, crouching down, miserable eyes staring at Jonny's own. 

"You're not here all the time. I feel so alone."

Patrick wants answers. Jonny knows Patrick knows the answers. He wants Jonny to say them. Jonny can't. He wouldn't. 

"Please." Patrick's voice lower than ever. 

"I didn't want to disobey you," Jonny whimpers. "I didn't wanna die."

"Then why'd you left the house that night, Jon?" Patrick asks, now completely sitting on the floor. Dejected and weak. He knows he lost. Jonny said the words. It's been long overdue. 

"How am I supposed to know I was gonna crash my car that night, Pat?" Jonny reasonably retorts. 

"I just wish I could hold you one more time," Patrick declares.

"You still can," Jonny sits up straight and opens his arms for Patrick, urging Patrick to come to him. 

Patrick goes, crashes himself into Jonny's chest. He lets himself be held this time. Jonny's warm and Patrick's satisfied. 

(Patrick's alone in the cold room, curled up in the corner, shivering and crying.)

In the morning, Patrick wakes up next to Jonny. Jonny's got a forming bruise around his eyes. Patrick's going to ask him about it later. 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in five hours. Of course, the idea has always been there, it survived, unwritten, applied to so many ships of mine, and I decided to finally write it with 1988 in mind. 
> 
> No beta, obviously. Will fix some of the mistakes, later. Or maybe this whole drabble is a mistake.


End file.
